A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?” “I've been to the pub,” slurs the drunk. “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you've had quite a few.” “I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile. “Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?” “Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.” Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 25 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing. The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting. The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 39 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over by a policeman. "Sir," says the cop. "You were going 60 in a 50." "No, I wasn't." "Yes, you were," says the wife. "Keep quiet!" says the man, angrily. "And you weren't wearing a seatbelt," says the cop. "Yes I was." "No, you weren't," says the wife. "SHUT UP!" says the man, really angry. "Ma'am," asks the cop, "is he always the rude and violent?" "Only when he's DRUNK." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 19 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 28 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.