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Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner?
Shut up and get back in the oven!


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Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.




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What four animals does a woman like
to have in her house? A tiger in bed,
a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her
garage and a jackass to pay for it all.


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When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that
way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.


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