Q : Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea? A : You didn't?! It's all over town! Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 101 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him: "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well, that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?" Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to H---." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 15 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 15 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions: what were the symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc.. Suddenly, she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 695 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.