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A British Man, a French man, and an
American man are on a safari in Africa,
and they are taken prisoner by a savage
group of villagers. As they're being
brought to the village, they are told
that death was their only option,
however, they each had their choice of
the method they would use to kill themselves.
The British man requested a pistol,
and cried out "Long live the queen!"
as he blew his brains out.
The two others watched in horror as
the savages flayed the man and made
his skin into a canoe. The French man
was next, and he requested a Saber.
"Vive le France" was what he cried out
as he disemboweled himself.
The American guy watched again what
they did with his body, as they made
his skin into a canoe. The last guy,
the American guy requested a fork in
which to kill himself. As soon as it
was handed to him, he started stabbing
himself violently as he screamed
"So much for your fucking canoe!"


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Two drunks had just gotten thrown
out of the bar and are walking down
the street when they come across
this dog, sitting on the curb,
licking his balls. They stand there
watching and after a while one of
them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says,
"Well, I think I'd pet him first".



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There is a guy. His favorite bar is
called 'Sally's Legs'.
The bar is closed, so he waits outside
for it to open.
He was waiting a long time and a cop
got suspicious, came over to him, and
asked, "What are you doing?"
The guy replies, "I'm waiting for
'Sally's Legs' to open so I can
get a drink."


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Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says,
"Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on,
I couldn't bend it with either of my hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about
10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about
20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next
week, and now I can almost bend it in half
with just one hand"
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering
how much stronger I'm gonna get!"


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