A man sat on a barstool next to a priest. His tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes the guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Oh, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk said, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" “I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 43 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question. "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" "No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not". "Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?" Dopey questions. "No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy." "Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 1437 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Grandad and grandson go bar hopping. The grandad orders a whiskey, takes a swig, then puts it down. Grandson goes, "Hey grandad, can I get somma that?" Grandad goes, "Does the tip of your dick reach the cheeks of your ass?" Grandson goes, "Nope." Grandad goes, "Well there's your answer." After a little while of drinking, grandad pulls out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. Granson goes, "Hey grandad, can I get one of those?" Grandad goes, "Does the tip of your dick reach the cheeks of your ass?" Grandson goes, "Nope." Grandad goes, "Well there's your answer." So after a little while they get tired and pack up to go home. On the way home they stop at a little store, and each buys a lottery ticket. The grandad scratches his and wins nothing. The grandson scratches his and wins $5,000. Grandad goes, "Hey grandson, can I get somma that?" Grandson goes, "Does the tip of your dick reach the cheeks of your ass?" Grandad goes, "Sure does." Grandson goes, "Well good, take it and go fuck yourself 'cause you ain't gettin none of this." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 584 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open, so she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention." The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 672 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.