A man walks into a bar and orders a round of drinks for the house, one for himself and one for the bartender. After everyone is served the bartender turns to the man and says, "That'll be $105." The man looks at the bartender, "Sorry I don't have any money." he says. The bartender then throws him out. The next day same man comes walking into the bar. He then proceeds to order a round of drinks for the house, one for himself and one for the bartender. After everyone finishes their drink the bartender says, "That'll be $93." Man says, "Sorry but I don't have any money." The bartender again proceeds to kick his ass and throw him out. The next day the same man comes walking into the bar. The bartender thinks to himself, "He can't be that stupid he must have the money!" The guy sits down and orders a round of drinks for the house and one for himself. The bartender then asks, "What about my drink?" The man looks at him and replies, "Sorry but you get too violent when you drink!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 27 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A drunk woman walks into a bar, sits and starts yelling to the bartender, "Hey Tenderbar, I want a tinimar, with a pickle." The bartender gives her a drink, she drinks it down, and says, "Ohh, heartburn." she says, "Hey Tenderbar, give me another tinimar, with a pickle on top." And again, she drinks and goes, "Oh, heartburn." This goes on and on when, finally, the Bartender gets fed up. The drunk lady tries to order another drink, when the Bartender says, "Look lady, its not Tenderbar, its Bartender; its not a Tinimar, it’s a Martini; its not a pickle, its an olive; and its not heartburn you have, your left tit is hanging in the ashtray!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 691 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. So, this lady walks into a bar and sits by herself next an old man seated close to a young woman. She orders herself a beer. While drinking she overhears the old man say: "Emma comes first, I comes next, two assa come for the first time, I comes again, two assa come together again, I comes once a more, pee twice and I comes for the last time." The lady, disgusted, whispers to the bartender indignantly "Aren't you going to get that dirty old man arrested?" The bartender smiles and replies; "Why? For spelling Mississippi?" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 30 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Tow mates are having a couple of drinks at the pub and then they starts complaining about their women. The first man says that his wife always complains about him coming home so late smelling of booze. His mate says there's a very simple cure for that: "Go home climb into bed and start eating her out." So sure enough the man goes home that evening and slips into bed and starts eating-her-out. She's groaning and enjoying herself when the call of nature comes. So he excuses himself and goes to the toilet. When he gets to the toilet he is very surprised to see his wife there he tries to ask her what's going on but she says "Shhhh… you'll wake my mother she's using our room for the night." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 37 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.