A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter... Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. "John, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!" "John, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!" "John, that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it, too, with the insurance money." Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "John, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 18 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Little Peter was sitting in Beginning Sex Education class when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" She asked. Little Peter raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 16 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Three old men were talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I stand for an hour because my pee barely trickles out." "That's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I sit for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible". The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble is, I don't wake up till eleven." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 44 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. An old man was laying on his death bed. With only hours to live, he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen. With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen. There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies. With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie. His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 19 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.