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Jonathan (to landlord): "Mr Levin,I would like to make a complaint."
Levin: "Yes?"
Jonathan: "For the past few Saturdays,from midnight to about 3 am,
the tenants upstairs have been shouting and stomping on the floor!
Levin: "How inconsiderate. Tell you what, I'll speak to them personally."
Jonathan: "Thanks!"
Levin: "It must have been hard for you to get any rest with all that
noise, huh?"
Jonathan: "Rest? Oh,uh,no.I needed to practice my tuba."


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Visiting the modern art museum an old lady
turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This", she said, "I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No madam." replied the attendant.
"That one is called a mirror."


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A Professor is droning away in the huge lecture
hall when he notices a student sleeping way up
in the back row.
The professor shouts to the sleeping student's
neighbor, "Hey wake that student up!"
The neighbor yells back:
"You put him to sleep, you wake him up!"


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Dear John,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won't you fogive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
Belinda.
PS Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.


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