One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, and a broken glass lay under the table. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered: "Well, today I didn't do it." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 26 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered to the toilets at the back of the pub to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman who was on her way out of the toilet. "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 15 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A man and his wife were invited to dinner by their elderly neighbours. The old gentleman endearingly preceded every request to his wife with 'Honey,' 'Darling,' 'Sweetheart,' 'Pumpkin,' etc. The guests were impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man said to the gentleman, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still refer to your wife in those terms." The elderly husband just hung his head. "Actually, I forgot her name about 10 years ago". Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 12 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A woman walked into an accountant's office and told him that she needed to file her taxes. The accountant said, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions." He got her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asked, "What is your occupation?" The woman replied, "I'm a whore." The accountant balked and said, "No, no, no. That will never work. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that." The woman said, "OK, I'm a prostitute." "No, that is still too crude. Try again." They both think for a minute, then the woman stated, "I'm a chicken farmer." The accountant asked, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?" "Well, I raised over 5,000 cocks last year!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 17 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.