At a party, Albert Einstein introduces himself to the first person he sees and immediately asks, "What is your IQ?" "198" the man replies. "Wonderful!" Albert says. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss!" Albert then introduces himself to a woman nearby, asking, "And what is your IQ?" The lady answers, "125" "Great!" says Albert. "We can discuss Politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!" Moving around the room, Albert pulls aside another man and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "72" Albert lets go of his arm and takes his hand to shake it, saying, "Hello Mr. President!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 10 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Suzan makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Suzan excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Suzan returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Suzan informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a gasp. Ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't ... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from J.C.Penny". The new friend catches her breath enough to say: "But ... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get himself up and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 673 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings. "Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" The voice on the other end asked. "Well, Sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, a couple of motorcycles and fat-ass Smith's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "No Sir." "This is Major Smith, your commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not yet!" "That's good! Bye!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 441 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to strawberries and cheese" The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know..... I don't eat cats." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 370 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.