An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. He triped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord. Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 7 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said,"Well, I'll just run in and out, and in and out, and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 6 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Jane was a first time contestant on the $100,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize. Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question. Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home. "I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow." "Relax, honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her. "It will all be OK." Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. "Where are you going?" Jane asked. "I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon" he replied. Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. "Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!" "What is it?" she cried excitedly. "OK. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'" "And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'" Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber. At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. "The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly. So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question. "Jane, for $100,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds." "Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. Six seconds." "Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds." "I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..." "That's close enough," said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 5 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A man suspects his wife is having an affair, so he goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. Not having much money he chooses a male parrot with one leg. He takes the bird home and ties its penis to the perch in the bird cage to allow it to stand. "When I go to work you keep an eye on my wife and tell me what happens" the man told his parrot. When the man returns from work later that day, he asks the parrot if anything happened when he was out. "Well" said the parrot, "the milkman came to the door". "Then?" demanded the man. "Your wife went to the door." "Then??" "She let him in." "Then what?" "They started making out in the living room." "Then what?" cried the exasperated man. "Then I got a hard-on and fell off the perch!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 6 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.