Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down their local bar, when one said to the other, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?" "Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "Fire away." "Well," said the first guy, "Why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?" "It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy. "What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow, "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!" "Well," replied his friend, "You must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say NO!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 11 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks, 'Can your dog perform other tricks?'. 'But of course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed. The dog looks at her and does nothing. 'It's always the same thing with you!', the man then shouts at the dog, 'Ok, I'll show you how to do this one last time'. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 16 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Two guys walk into a bar, and immediately they see someone fall right off his stool, flat on his ass. So they pick him up, and being good Samaritans, decide that this guy's too drunk to walk by himself, and figure they should walk him home. So they stand him up and try to get him to walk, but he falls flat on his face. They pick him up, and the guy's feet are dragging on the ground. They go a couple of blocks and try to get him to walk again, but nope, he falls flat on his face. They get him to his apartment eventually, and try to get him to walk up the stairs, but he falls again. So they drag him to his apartment, and knock on his door. The guy's wife answers and says "Oh, thanks for bringing my husband back. Where's his wheelchair?" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 18 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot." "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman. Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a faggot and he didn't care." The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off... watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!" "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that", replied the Irishman. Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right, he's unshakable!" The third Englishman remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch this." So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 19 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.