There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later. So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says, 'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.' 'OK,' says the guy. He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says, 'You have one wish.' The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar. He tells the barman, 'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.' The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?' Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 11 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No. What did that stupid shit do this time?", says the patron. "Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole", says the bartender. "Yeah, well I hope it kills the little fucker because he's been driving me nuts", says the patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later he comes back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar. He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks. "What now?", responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a grape up his ass, then pulled it out and ate it", says the barkeeper. "Well, what did you expect?", replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 10 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?" One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of you finest beer that I can lick my eye." The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could lick their nose but never have I ever seen one that could lick his eye. I'll take that bet." So the guy reaches up, pulls out his glass eye, licks it, and puts it back in his eye socket. The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me." He brings the guys a pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar. When that pitcher starts to get low the barkeep comes back and asks, "Are you gentlemen ready for another?" The same guy answers, "I'll bet you another pitcher of your finest beer that I can bite my ear." The barkeep hesitates for a moment and looks at the guy's left ear, his right ear, and says, "There's no way you've got an artificial ear. I'll take that bet." The guy reaches up, pulls out his false teeth, bites his ear with them, and puts them back in his mouth. The barkeep says, "Damn, you got me again." He brings the guys another pitcher of beer and goes about tending the bar. A little later the betting guy is drunk, gets up and staggers over to the bar and lays a $100 bill on the bar saying, "I'll bet you a hundred that I can pee and fill 10 shot glasses lined up on the bar with their rims touching without spilling a drop on the bar from 3 feet away." The barkeep says, "It'll be worth $100 to see that so I bet you can't do it." He puts his own $100 on the bar, lines up 10 shot glasses and steps back. The drunk whips it out and pees all over the shot glasses, the bar, and the floor. The barkeep picks up the two $100 bills, gets out his towel and starts to wipe it up. He then notices the drunk is smiling and says, "I just made $100 so I'm smiling, you just lost $100, why are you smiling?" The drunk says, you see they guy over there I've been drinking with all this time? I just bet him $1,000 that I could come over here, pee all over the bar, and that you'd wipe it up with a smile on your face. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 11 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. This guy was walking to the bar and outside there was a sign saying, ?Pay a dollar, make the donkey laugh and get a free beer.? The guy does this and gets his free beer. The next night the guy sees a different sign. It reads, pay a dollar make the donkey cry and get a free beer. He does this and gets his free beer. The barman then asks, " How did you do it?" The guy answers, " To make the donkey laugh I told him my dick was bigger then his and to make him cry I showed him" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 12 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.