Due to increasing product liability litigation, wine manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all wine bottles: 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. 2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a moron. 3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in. 4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. 5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 am in the morning! 6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers. 7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. 8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers. 9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember). 10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. 11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Frank. 12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. 13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you. 14. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 10 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the alligator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I'll remove my genitals unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.' The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The alligator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The alligator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. 'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up. 'I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle.' Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 6 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Four guys are drinking in a bar, bragging about their sons. "My son," the first one says, "started out washing cars at dealership, but now owns the dealership and just gave one of his friends four new cars of his choice!" "My son," said the second, "started out serving lunch in a real estate office, but now owns the real estate office and just gave one of his friends a new mansion!" "My son," said the third, "started out sweeping the floors at the Stock Exchange, but now practically owns the Stock Exchange and just gave one of his friends a $1,000,000 in stock." "Well," the fourth guy said, "my son's turned out to be a bit of a disappointment. He's a gay hairdresser and he has SEVERAL boyfriends. On the plus side, between them, they gave him four cars, a mansion, and a million dollars in stock for his birthday." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 7 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing there mothers clothing, large hats, high heels and long dresses. As they passed a bar they noticed no one was in the bar except the bartender. One of the girls said, lets go in for a drink. They went in and crawled up onto the bar stools. The bartender saw that there was no one in the bar and thought he would have some fun. He went to the first little girl and said "What will you have young lady?" The girl replied "I'll have a Martini." The bartender could not give them any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an olive in it and put it in front of her. He said to the second girl "What will you have today?" She replied "A Manhattan." The bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger-Ale, put in a cherry in it, and set it in front of her. Again he asked the third little girl "What will you have today?" After a long pause she replied, "I think I will have a "douche." Mother said they're so refreshing." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 11 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.