A sailor and a pirate are drinking at a waterfront bar and they proceed to swap sea stories. The sailor notes the pirate's peg leg, eye patch and hook. "So tell me," asks the sailor, "how did you come to lose that leg?" "Arrgh," says the pirate, "'Twas a black squall swept me overboard. Whilst in the water, a shark snapped me leg off and I've had this peg leg ever since." "Wow!" says the sailor. "And how'd you get the hook?" "We was fighting at close quarters," says the pirate. "Some scurvy dog with a cutlass hacked me hand off and I've had this hook ever since." "Amazing!" says the sailor. "And what about the eye patch?" "Arrgh," says the pirate. "'Twas a seagull pooped in me eye." "A seagull?" asks the sailor, a bit incredulous. "Well, I should explain," says the pirate. "'Twas me first day with the new hook." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 8 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A little boy on the way to school one day saw a drunk playing with himself in an alley. The boy asked what he was doing. The drunk said "playing with my birdie, playing with my birdie" He then passed out. When he came to he was in the hospital, in pain around his groin area. He asked the Dr what happened, the Dr brought in the little boy and told him to answer the man. The boy said "after you went to sleep mister, I played with your birdie and he spit at me so I broke his neck, cracked his eggs and set his nest on fire" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 8 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. This really tough Hells-Angel type bursts into a bar and strides up to the middle of the bar. He orders a beer, gulps it down, turns to the people at the left end of the bar and growls "All you down there... You're all a bunch of queer cock suckers!" he gulps down a second beer and turns to the right side of the bar. "You're all a bunch of stupid mother fuckers." All is still for a moment until a guy at the right end gets up. The Hells Angel says "Where the fuck you going?" The guy says "I'm at the wrong end of the bar." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 7 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 5 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.