A guy is sitting all alone at a bar, the bartender looks at him and laughs. The man shrugs it off... The bartender looks at him and laughs again, the bartender finally went over to the man and said "I'm sorry but you have to be the ugliest man that I have ever seen." The man replied by saying I don’t think so. I can get any lady that I want. The bartender looks around and sees a hot big titted blond sitting at the table with her huge boyfriend, and tells the ugly man that he bet $50 that he couldn’t get the woman to even talk to him. The ugly man agrees and says "I'll bet another $50 that I can walk straight out the door with her. The bartender accepted. The ugly man walked over the girl jumped into his arms and they walked out the door. The bartender went over to the boyfriend and said, "Damn that sucks but what happened?" The man replied with "I don’t know. He just stood there lickin his eyebrows." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 19 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A drunk walked into a tavern, sat down at the bar, sat a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered a beer. When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and set them on the bar, then ordered another beer. When the beer came, he reached into the box, pulled out a frog, sat him on the piano bench and said, "PLAY". The frog immediately began to play the piano. It played all the favorites, and some classical and then launched into contemporary jazz. The man ordered another beer, and when it came he reached into the cardboard box and pulled out a little white mouse. He set this mouse on top of the piano and said "SING". The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some 'oldies but goodies', then all of the current favorites. A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the man and offered to buy this little outfit that the man had. After a bit of negotiating, the man drunk agreed to sell it to the man for $500. The man gathered everything into the little cardboard box and ran out the door before the drunk could change his mind. The bartender had been watching all of this goings on and said to the drunk "You damned old fool! You just sold that little outfit you had for $500 and you could have made millions off of it!" The drunk laughed heartily and replied "I am not the fool, the guy who bought it is. Do you really think I would have sold that if that mouse could really sing?" The bartender responded "What do you mean, I stood right here and listened to that mouse sing!" "The joke is on you and the guy who bought that outfit my friend ", chuckled the drunk. "That mouse can't sing. The frog is a ventriloquist!" Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 18 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. Three 7 year old girls were walking down the street wearing their mother's clothing, large hats, high heels and long dresses. As they passed a bar they noticed no one was in the bar except the bartender. One of the girls said, lets go in for a drink. They went in and crawled up onto the bar stools. The bartender saw that there was no one in the bar and thought he would have some fun. He went to the first little girl and said "What will you have young lady?" The girl replied "I'll have a Martini." The bartender could not give them any liquor so he filled up a martini glass with 7-UP, placed an olive in it and put it in front of her. He said to the second girl "What will you have today?" She replied "A Manhattan." The bartender then filled a Manhattan glass with Ginger-Ale, put in a cherry in it, and set it in front of her. Again he asked the third little girl "What will you have today?" After a long pause she replied, "I think I will have a "douche." Mother said they're so refreshing." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 13 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS. A sailor and a pirate are drinking at a waterfront bar and they proceed to swap sea stories. The sailor notes the pirate's peg leg, eye patch and hook. "So tell me," asks the sailor, "how did you come to lose that leg?" "Arrgh," says the pirate, "'Twas a black squall swept me overboard. Whilst in the water, a shark snapped me leg off and I've had this peg leg ever since." "Wow!" says the sailor. "And how'd you get the hook?" "We was fighting at close quarters," says the pirate. "Some scurvy dog with a cutlass hacked me hand off and I've had this hook ever since." "Amazing!" says the sailor. "And what about the eye patch?" "Arrgh," says the pirate. "'Twas a seagull pooped in me eye." "A seagull?" asks the sailor, a bit incredulous. "Well, I should explain," says the pirate. "'Twas me first day with the new hook." Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5 17 people already rated this joke. Send this joke to a friend Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.