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Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?
A: Gifted.


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3 sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.
Getting back together they discussed gifts they were
able to give their elderly mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "Ha, I got you both beat.
Remember how mother loved to read the Bible? And you
know that she can't see very well? Well, I sent her an
amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible.
It took Church elders 14 years to teach him. Mom just
has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will
recite it."
Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Dany," she wrote one son, "The house you built is so
big. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the
whole house."
"Steve," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel
and stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the
Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Brandon," she wrote to her third son, "You
have the good sense to know what your mother likes.
The chicken was absolutley delicious..."


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Q: What is the difference between out-laws, and in-laws?
A: Out-laws are wanted.


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A little boy returning home from his first day at
school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern
educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation,
covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an
enrollment form which he had brought home from school
and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that
into this one little square?"


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