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Three guys were on business trips to Saudi Arabia.
One day, they came upon this harem with over 100
beautiful women.
They started getting friendly with all the women,
when suddenly the Sheik came in.
"I am the master of all these women. No one else
can touch them except me. You three men must pay
for what you have done today. You will each die
and in a way corresponding to your profession."
The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what
he does for a living.
"I'm a cop", says the first man.
"Alright women, shoot his penis off!," said the sheik.
The sheik then turned to the second man and asked
him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen," said the second man.
"Alright women, burn his penis off!," said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do
you do for a living?"
And the third man answered, with a big smile on his
face, "I'm a lollipop salesman."


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A clergyman was walking down the street when he
came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of
them between 10 and 12 years of age.
The group surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys
were hurting the dog, he went over and asked,
"What are you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an
old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but
only one of us can take him home. So we've decided
that whichever one of us can tell the biggest
lie will get to keep the dog."
The reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't
be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed.
He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against
lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin
to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I was your age,
I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just
as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten
through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh
and said, "All right, give him the dog."


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Q: Where does Kasparov hate to swim?
A: In a deep blue ocean!


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3 guys wanted to be police officers.
The first one went in and the chief
said "You have to kill your mother".
He says "I cant do that".
So the next guy comes in and the chief
says "You have to kill your dad".
He says "I cant do that".
So the next guy comes in and the chief
says "You have to kill this lady
waiting in the waiting room."
He says "Well alright."
So he goes in there and the chief
hears all this racket and he says
"What the hell are you doing"?
The guy says, "Well you didnt put
any bullets in this gun so I had
to chase her around with a chair
and beat her to death!"


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