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After completing his examination,
the doctor took her husband aside.
"I don't like the looks of your
wife at all."
"Me neither, Doc." Said the husband.
"But she's a good cook and the kids
seem to like her."


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The local sheriff was
looking for a deputy.
Paul, who was not exactly
the sharpest nail in
the bucket went in to
try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff
drawled, "Paul, what
is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought
to himself, "That's
not what I meant, but
he's right."
"What two days of the
week start with the
letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised
that Paul supplied a
correct answer that
he had never thought
of himself.
"Now Paul, listen
carefully: Who killed
Abraham Lincoln?"
Paul looked a little
surprised himself,
then thought really
hard for a minute and
finally admitted,
"I don't know."
"Well, why don't you
go home and work on
that one for a while?"
So, Paul wandered over
to the pool hall where
his pals were waiting
to hear the results of
the interview.
Paul was exultant.
"It went great! First
day on the job and I'm
already working on a
murder case!"


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Teacher: "How many books have you read
in your lifetime?"
Pupil: "I don't know. I'm not dead yet."


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A male driver gets stopped by police,
and is asked: "Have you been drinking?"
The man replies: "Okay, yes, I have..
how did you know officer? Was I swerving
across the road, or speeding?"
"No sir," replied the policeman,
"nothing else can explain that fat ugly
woman sitting next to you."


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