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An englishman, a scotsman and an irishman all
sitting round a table in a pub. The englishman
says: "my daughter is a real tear-away, the
other day i went into her room and found a
packet of cigarettes and she's not even old
enough to smoke!"
The scotsman says: "That's nothing, the other
day i went into my daughters bedroom and found
a bottle of whisky and she's not old enough
to drink!"
The irishman says: "I can top that, i went into
my daughters bedroom the other day and found
a packet of condoms and i didn't know she had a knob!!!


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A man walked into a chemist and was
wandering around. When the assistant
asked him what he was looking for,
he said "Tampons for my wife."
Later he approaches the counter with
a bag of cotton wool and some string.
The assistant asks "I thought you were
looking for tampons?"
"I was but i remembered when i asked
my wife to buy me some ciggaretes
when she came back she had some tobacco
and papers and she said it was cheaper
so i was trying to do the same!"


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The elderly man flattered himself that
he was still a ladies' man, and decided
to flirt with the comely waitress.
"So tell me, sweetheart, where have you
been all my life?" he crooned.
"Actually, sir," she pointed out sweetly,
"for the first forty-five years of it,
I wasn't even around."


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A small bottle containing urine sat upon
the desk of Sir William Osler, the eminent
professor of medicine at Oxford University.
Sitting before him was a class full of young,
wide-eyed medical students, listening to
his lecture on the importance of observing
details. To emphasise his point, Sir Osler
announced, "This bottle contains a sample
for analysis. It's often possible by tasting
it to determine the disease from which the
patient suffers."
He then dipped a finger into the fluid and
brought it into his mouth. He continued
speaking, "Now I am going to pass the bottle
around. Each of you please do exactly as
I did. Perhaps we can learn the importance
of this techinque and diagnose the case."
The bottle madeit's way from row to row,
each student gingerly poking his finger in
and bravely sampling the contents with a frown.
Dr. Osler then retrieved the bottle and
startled his students by saying, "Gentlemen,
now you will understand what I mean when
I speak about details. Had you been observant,
you would have seen that I put my INDEX
FINGER in the bottle but my MIDDLE FINGER
into my mouth!"


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