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The elderly man flattered himself that
he was still a ladies' man, and decided
to flirt with the comely waitress.
"So tell me, sweetheart, where have you
been all my life?" he crooned.
"Actually, sir," she pointed out sweetly,
"for the first forty-five years of it,
I wasn't even around."


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A small bottle containing urine sat upon
the desk of Sir William Osler, the eminent
professor of medicine at Oxford University.
Sitting before him was a class full of young,
wide-eyed medical students, listening to
his lecture on the importance of observing
details. To emphasise his point, Sir Osler
announced, "This bottle contains a sample
for analysis. It's often possible by tasting
it to determine the disease from which the
patient suffers."
He then dipped a finger into the fluid and
brought it into his mouth. He continued
speaking, "Now I am going to pass the bottle
around. Each of you please do exactly as
I did. Perhaps we can learn the importance
of this techinque and diagnose the case."
The bottle madeit's way from row to row,
each student gingerly poking his finger in
and bravely sampling the contents with a frown.
Dr. Osler then retrieved the bottle and
startled his students by saying, "Gentlemen,
now you will understand what I mean when
I speak about details. Had you been observant,
you would have seen that I put my INDEX
FINGER in the bottle but my MIDDLE FINGER
into my mouth!"


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These four guys were walking down the street,
a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me,
what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me? What's excuse me?


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The day after a man lost his wife in a
scuba diving accident, he was greeted
by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
"We're sorry to call on you at this hour,
Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information
about your wife."
"Well, tell me!" the man said.
The policeman said, "We have some bad news,
some good news and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkens said,
"Give me the bad news first."
So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell
you sir, but this morning we found your
wife's body in San Francisco Bay."
"Oh my god!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome
by emotion. Then, remembering what the
policeman had said, he asked, "What's
the good news?"
"Well," said the policeman, "When we
pulled her up she had two five-pound
lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness
crabs on her."
"If that's the good news than what's
the great news?!", Mr. Wilkens demanded.
The policeman said, "We're going to
pull her up again tomorrow morning."


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