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Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads
for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up
yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"

He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane
glue."


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Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems.

The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have
to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour, 'cause my pee barely
trickles out."

"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a
shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".

The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss
like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig.

The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."


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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the
bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing
black?"



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Two men are talking in the pub about their forthcoming holidays.

"I'm taking my wife on an African Safari." Said the first man.

His friend asked, "Isn't that a bit dangerous? What would you do if a ferocious lion
attacked her?"

"Nothing!" Replied the first man.

"What! You wouldn't do anything?"

"Nah." Said the first man. "Let the stupid bloody lion fend for itself!



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