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Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems.

The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have
to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour, 'cause my pee barely
trickles out."

"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a
shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".

The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss
like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig.

The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."


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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the
bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing
black?"



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Two men are talking in the pub about their forthcoming holidays.

"I'm taking my wife on an African Safari." Said the first man.

His friend asked, "Isn't that a bit dangerous? What would you do if a ferocious lion
attacked her?"

"Nothing!" Replied the first man.

"What! You wouldn't do anything?"

"Nah." Said the first man. "Let the stupid bloody lion fend for itself!



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Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there
was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her
rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane,
still working on that makeup!!!

It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out
of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car usingmy knees against the
steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee
between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone and
DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!

WOMEN DRIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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