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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it
would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one
syllable.

"Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?"

"After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday."

"Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon......day"

"Does anyone know another word."

"I do! I do!" replied Johnny.

Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.

"OK Mike, what is your word."

"Saturday." says Mike.

"Great, that has three syllables..."

Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!"

Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K.
Johnny what is your four syllable word?"

Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her
composure says, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly is a mouthful."

"No Ma'am, your thinking of 'blowjob', and that's only two syllables."



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A man who compromises when he’s wrong is wise; a man who compromises when he’s right is
married.


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A man suspects his wife is having an affair, so he goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. Not
having much money he chooses a male parrot with one leg.

He takes the bird home and ties its penis to the perch in the bird cage to allow it to
stand.

"When I go to work you keep an eye on my wife and tell me what happens" the man told his
parrot.

When the man returns from work later that day, he asks the parrot if
anything happened when he was out.

"Well" said the parrot, "the milkman came to the door".

"Then?" demanded the man.

"Your wife went to the door."

"Then??"

"She let him in."

"Then what?"

"They started making out in the living room."

"Then what?" cried the exasperated man.

"Then I got a hard-on and fell off the perch!"



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Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the
first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks
around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.

So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to
the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.
Larry asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some
furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the
door."

Confused, Larry asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on
the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take
your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"


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