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The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately,
the peach orchard had done really well.

The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell
the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to
town.

Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went
up and knocked on the door.

A gorgeous blond in a sheer robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey,
what can I do for you?"

Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale".
The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her
robe showing her breasts.

She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?"

Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."

So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She teased, "Would they
be succulent and delicious like this?"

The old farmer popped out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches."

She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"

The old farmer whimpered "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevels ate
all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches."



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Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for.

He answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first
opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you
here for?"

The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a
collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the
table and broke them all."

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for.

The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the
shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like
a wild animal!"

"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.

The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails done."


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On vacation one year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a
neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive.

After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranch
owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size.

"One," she replied.

"One?!" I said incredulously.

"And a dog," she added.


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A man approached his friend and said, "Say Jim, you want to hit the golf course this
afternoon?"

"Sorry, I can't," came the reply

"Why not?" he asked.

He responded, "my doctor told me I can't play."

"Oh," said the friend, "so he's been out with you too?"


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