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Some sad news... King Fahd has died and in respect, the Saudi family lowered the flag and
raised oil prices.

-Jay Leno


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Q. What do you call a dear without any eyes?

A. No eye dear!


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For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, too much pressure from my job,
earwax buildup, poor blood, but now I found out the real reason:

I'm tired because I'm overworked.

Here's why:

The population of the USA is about 273 million.

140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces.

Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals,

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do all the work.

You and me, and you're sitting on your rear, at your computer, reading jokes!



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The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately,
the peach orchard had done really well.

The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell
the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to
town.

Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went
up and knocked on the door.

A gorgeous blond in a sheer robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey,
what can I do for you?"

Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale".
The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her
robe showing her breasts.

She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?"

Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."

So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She teased, "Would they
be succulent and delicious like this?"

The old farmer popped out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches."

She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"

The old farmer whimpered "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevels ate
all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches."



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