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Three dogs are at the vet in the waiting room.

When the first dog asks the second dog what he's in for.

He answers, "My master bought a brand new carpet the other day, and at the first
opportunity I soiled it, so now I've been brought here to be put to sleep. So what are you
here for?"

The first dog replies grimly, "I'm also being put to sleep. My master had a table with a
collection of expensive vases and while I was chasing my tail I accidently bumped into the
table and broke them all."

The two dogs then look over and ask the third dog what he's in for.

The third dog answers, "The reason I'm here is the other day my master stepped out of the
shower and she bent over. I couldn't resist, so I jumped her from behind and took her like
a wild animal!"

"So I guess you're also here to be put to sleep?" says the first dog.

The third dog answers, "Nope, I'm here to get my nails done."


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On vacation one year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a
neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive.

After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranch
owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size.

"One," she replied.

"One?!" I said incredulously.

"And a dog," she added.


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A man approached his friend and said, "Say Jim, you want to hit the golf course this
afternoon?"

"Sorry, I can't," came the reply

"Why not?" he asked.

He responded, "my doctor told me I can't play."

"Oh," said the friend, "so he's been out with you too?"


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A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me!
Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car.

The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night
I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?"

"Relax", says the doctor, "You're just having an auto-body experience."


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