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I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one
day, I was coaching her as I drove.

I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her drivers
permit.

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep", she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one."

So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an
hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!"

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added, "One
mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."


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"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch
it. Can you give me an example of one?"

"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."


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Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's
response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut
our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But
by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average response time by 20
percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said,
"That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency
response time in half!"



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In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up
milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a very rare and precious
piece of pottery.

He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said
the proprietor.

"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and probably half wild, but I'm eccentric.
I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."

"It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten on the spot.

"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The
kitten seems so happy drinking from it."

"Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so
far this week I've sold 12 cats."


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