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A married couple is lying in bed one night.

The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read
a book.

As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits.

He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his
book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking
some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, Why are you taking off your clothes?

His wife replies, You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.

The husband says, No, not at all.

His wife asks angrily, Well, what the hell were you doing then?

I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.



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Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get
it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.

The first Friday the question was, "How many gallons of water is there in the whole
world."

No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.

Next Friday, the question was, "How many grains of sand is there in the whole world."

No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.

By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on
Monday.

So he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked
the question he rolled the two blach ping-pong balls up to her.

She said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"

Little Johnny said, "Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday."



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Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the
gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a
local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's
on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is
becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you
drink Budweiser".

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she
says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and
spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The
cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."


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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How
do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,"Well, I'll just run in and out, and in and out, and keep
slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"


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