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After 20 years two college rivals bumped into each other.

"Do you remember how I used to be so fat and flabby?' asked the first. "Well, I've been on
an exercise program for a few years, and now I run marathons."

"Thats great!" replied the other man.

"And," the first man continued, "Do you remember how I used to be shy and a poor student?
Well, I took a course in public speaking, and now I make hundreds of thousands of dollars
a year on the lecture circuit."

"That's great!" came the reply.

"Oh, and how about you?" the first man asked. "Have you changed at all?"

"Well, yes I have, replied the second man. "Remember how brutally honest I used to be,
and how when someone said something uninteresting, I would reply, 'I couldn't care less?'

"Well now I just say, 'Thats great!'"


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A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last
paycheck. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.

"I know," the employer said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you
never complained."

"Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake," the worker answered, "but when it gets to be a
habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."


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During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any
suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness.

After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come
across was, er, female juices.

"But you're balder than I am," protested the customer.

"True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit I've got one hell of a mustache!"


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Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.

The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed,
Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to
write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit
of energy to scribble a note, then he died.

The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his
jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same
jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it,
but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read, "Asshole, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"


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