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To:All Staff
Cc:
From:Management
RE:Early Retirement

Due to our current financial situation, management has decided to implement a scheme to
put all workers over 30 on early retirement. This scheme will be know as RAPE (Retire Aged
Personnel Early).

Person selected to be RAPED can apply to the management to be eligible for the SHAFT
(Special Help AFTer retirement). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW scheme (SCheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED only
once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been raped can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or
Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons
who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SCREWED any further by management.

Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as
possible. Management has always prided itself for the amount of SHIT it gives its staff.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT please bring it to the attention of
your manager. He has been trained to give all the SHIT you can handle.


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The timid man had been advised by his psychiatrist to go home and assert himself. "Don't
let your wife bully you anymore. Go home and show her who's the boss."

So, the timid soul went home, banged the door shut, and said in a loud voice, "Now get
this! From now on, I'm the boss in this joint, and I'm giving the orders and you're
obeying them.

Now get busy and get my supper on the table right away and after that, lay out my clothes
because I'm going out tonight, alone in my tuxedo. And, do you know who's going to dress
me in my tuxedo and black tie?"

"Yes, dear," replied the wife softly, "the undertaker."


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A man comes home from a night of drinking.

As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home
half drunk?"

The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money."


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A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work.

The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding
flowers from the flower bed.

So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores
the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes
over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it
really is as wide as the grill!"

She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky.

The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener,
you are sadly mistaken."


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