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The timid man had been advised by his psychiatrist to go home and assert himself. "Don't
let your wife bully you anymore. Go home and show her who's the boss."

So, the timid soul went home, banged the door shut, and said in a loud voice, "Now get
this! From now on, I'm the boss in this joint, and I'm giving the orders and you're
obeying them.

Now get busy and get my supper on the table right away and after that, lay out my clothes
because I'm going out tonight, alone in my tuxedo. And, do you know who's going to dress
me in my tuxedo and black tie?"

"Yes, dear," replied the wife softly, "the undertaker."


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A man comes home from a night of drinking.

As he falls through the doorway, his wife snaps at him, "What's the big idea coming home
half drunk?"

The man replies, "I'm sorry honey. I ran out of money."


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A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work.

The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding
flowers from the flower bed.

So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores
the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes
over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it
really is as wide as the grill!"

She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky.

The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener,
you are sadly mistaken."


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The old farmer was having a pretty bad year. All of his crops had been lost. Fortunately,
the peach orchard had done really well.

The only way he was going to make it financially was to cut out the middle man and sell
the peaches directly to the consumer. So he loaded his pickup with peaches and headed to
town.

Just on the outskirts of town he came to a house. So he took a basket of peaches and went
up and knocked on the door.

A gorgeous blond in a sheer robe answered the door. In a sexy voice she said, "Hi, Honey,
what can I do for you?"

Quite shaken, the old farmer muttered, "I have these here really nice peaches for sale".
The blond, noticing how shaken he was, decided to play a bit. So she opened the top of her
robe showing her breasts.

She said, "Are those peaches full and firm like these?"

Very shaken, he managed to whisper, "Oh yes, they're really good peaches."

So she opened the rest of her robe, showing she had on no panties. She teased, "Would they
be succulent and delicious like this?"

The old farmer popped out crying and said, "Oh yes, they're wonderful peaches."

She said, "Well, honey, why on earth are you crying?"

The old farmer whimpered "Lady, the cut worms ruined my tomato crop and the weevels ate
all my cotton and now I think you're gonna screw me out of my peaches."



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