Enter your e-mail:



A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a
sentence?"

First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."

A second little boy says, "Trees are definitely green."

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have
lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!"



Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5
8 people already rated this joke.
Send this joke to a friend
Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.




A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.

One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the
upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"

The husband just looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber??

A few days went by, and he comes home from work and again his wife asks for a favor,
"Honey, the car won't start, I think that it needs a new battery. Could you change it for
me?"

"What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" was his response.

Another couple of weeks go by, and it's raining pretty hard. His wife then finds a leak in
the roof. She pleads with him as he's walking through the door. "Honey, there's a leak on
the roof! Can you please fix it?"

He just looked at her and said, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" and sat down with a beer
and watched a game on tv.

One weekend the husband woke up and it was pouring pretty hard, but the leak on the roof
was gone!

Speaking of leaks, he also went to take a shower, and he found that the one pipe behind
the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.

His wife was coming home just then, and as she walked through the door, the husband asked,
"Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks, and the car's running?"

She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I was picking up the mail, and I ran into one
of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything."

"Wow, did he charge us anything?" asked the husband.

"No, he just said that he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with
him." she said.

"Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" asked the husband.

"Cake? What the hell do you think I look like, Betty Crocker?



Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5
5 people already rated this joke.
Send this joke to a friend
Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.




There were two workers digging in a ditch. Their supervisor was sitting against a brick
wall reading a book.

After a while, one worker said to the other "How come we’re over here working in the hot
sun while he's over there reading a book?"

The other guy replied, "I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?"

So the first guy walked over to where the supervisor was sitting. The supervisor looked up
and then went back to reading his book.

Finally the worker asked him, "How come you're over here reading, while we're digging in
the sun?"

The supervisor looked at him for a moment and answered, "Intelligence." Then he continued
reading.

After thinking about this for a minute, the worker asked, "How's that?"

The supervisor replied, "Let me show you." He held out his hand and said, "now, hit my
hand as hard as you can."

The worker put down his shovel and proceeded to hit the supervisor's hand, but just before
they collide, the supervisor moved his hand out of the way, causing the worker's hand to
crash into the brick wall.

"OW! OK, I see now," said the worker, rubbing his hand as he walked back to the ditch.

The other worker looked up and asked, "Well, what'd he say?"

"He said 'Intelligence'," responded the first.

"What?"

"Let me show you." The first guy looked around for a wall, and seeing none, put his hand
in front of his face.

"Now hit my hand as hard as you can..."


Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5
12 people already rated this joke.
Send this joke to a friend
Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.




Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers
buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all Three
engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference,
the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three
engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks
over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
"ticket please."


Rate the joke: 1 2 3 4 5
1 people already rated this joke.
Send this joke to a friend
Start your day smiling with a funny joke by SMS.