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There were two workers digging in a ditch. Their supervisor was sitting against a brick
wall reading a book.

After a while, one worker said to the other "How come we’re over here working in the hot
sun while he's over there reading a book?"

The other guy replied, "I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?"

So the first guy walked over to where the supervisor was sitting. The supervisor looked up
and then went back to reading his book.

Finally the worker asked him, "How come you're over here reading, while we're digging in
the sun?"

The supervisor looked at him for a moment and answered, "Intelligence." Then he continued
reading.

After thinking about this for a minute, the worker asked, "How's that?"

The supervisor replied, "Let me show you." He held out his hand and said, "now, hit my
hand as hard as you can."

The worker put down his shovel and proceeded to hit the supervisor's hand, but just before
they collide, the supervisor moved his hand out of the way, causing the worker's hand to
crash into the brick wall.

"OW! OK, I see now," said the worker, rubbing his hand as he walked back to the ditch.

The other worker looked up and asked, "Well, what'd he say?"

"He said 'Intelligence'," responded the first.

"What?"

"Let me show you." The first guy looked around for a wall, and seeing none, put his hand
in front of his face.

"Now hit my hand as hard as you can..."


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Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.

At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers
buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all Three
engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference,
the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three
engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks
over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
"ticket please."


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Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car
accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs into the ER and says his wife's been in an
accident.

They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the
waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.

"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?"

The doctor sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's accident resulted in two
fractures of her spine."

"Oh my God" says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"

Dr. Smith says "Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is
inoperable. She'll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed
her."

Mr. Jones begins to sob. "And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to
prevent pneumonia."

Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. "Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll
have to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder and of course these diapers
must be changed at least five times a day."

Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs, wails.

The doctor continues: "And you'll have to clean up her feces on a regular basis as she'll
have no control over her sphincters. Her bowel will engorge whenever and quite often I'm
afraid. Of course you must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid
effluent she'll be emitting regularly."

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench
into a sobbing pitiful mass.

Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm
just fucking with you, she's dead."


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A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married.

He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess
which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the
couch and they chat for a while.

He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."

Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

"I don't like her," she says.


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