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This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her
flight.

When she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your
fortune.

So she thought to herself I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me.

So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said,
Your a nun you weigh 128lbs and your going to Chicago Illinois.

So she sat back down and thought about it, she thought to herself it probably tells
everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again.

So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said,
your nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to play a fiddle.

She said to herself I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in
my life.

She sat back down and this Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down she picked up the
fiddle and just started playing beautiful music.

She looked back at the machine and said this is incredible I've got to try it again.

So she went back to the machine put her nickel in another card came out and it said, your
a nun, you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to break wind.

She thinks I know it's wrong now I've never broke wind in public a day in my life, well
she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule.

So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself this is
truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again.

She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said, your a nun,
you weigh 128lbs., your going to Chicago Ill. and your going to have sex.

She said ah-hah that does it I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, ain't ever had
none, and ain't ever gonna get none.

Well a huge electrical storm came through and the electricity went off and she got
raped... She sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said this is
truly, truly, incredible.

But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to
me before I leave this airport.

She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said. Your a
nun, you weigh 128lbs., you have fiddled, farted, fucked around and missed your flight to
Chicago!!!!!!!!


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Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a
good looking prostitute.

She sees this and calls out "Fifty dollars!" He's tempted, but the price is a little high
so he calls back "Five!" She'd disgusted and turns away and Bill continues his jog.

A few days later, he finds himself jogging in the same area and as
luck would have it, the prostitute is still there. But she won't come down on her price.

"Fifty!" she shouts and Bill answers her "Five!" No sale.

About a week later, Hillary has decided that she wants to get into
shape so she demands to go jogging with Bill.

They get to the seedy part of town and the same prostitute is still there.

She eyes Bill and Hillary together and yells "See what you get for five dollars!"


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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You
know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I
turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into
the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in
the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out
so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I
screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the
closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and,
she always acts like she's sound asleep!"



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One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt
and his boots.

The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like
that?"

Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!"

The sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story.

Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a
cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did."

"Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy,
well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did."

"Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her
clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun
belt and my boots.

Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to
town..."


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