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Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest.

Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad
Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"

Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut
through the forest anyway.

The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the
Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"

Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big
Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood -
I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!"

"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just
like the story says!"


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There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after
exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the
following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat.
It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500.00."

"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2006 models. I saw one I
really liked.

I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to
exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000 ... "

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "

"What?"

"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the
real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on
sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront
property ... "

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $650,000 - a magnificent price ... and I see that we have that much in the bank to
cover ... "

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye ... I do too ... "

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and
asks to all those present, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?


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Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they
were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question."

"Which is ...?", they replied in unison.

"Have you been a good girl ?", he asked the first girl.

"Oh yes", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I
got married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl.

"Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got
married."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?", he asked the third girl.

"Oh no, not at all", she said. "I practically have sex with every guy I met before and
after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."

"Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl... my room key."



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Three guys are sitting at the bar, when a stranger walked in and took a stool at the far
end of the bar. The three guys were tranfixed on the stranger, who bear a striking
resemblance to Jesus.

For quite a while they were speculating if in fact it was the Son of God himself. Finally
Joe stands up and said he would find out for sure and walked down to the end of the bar,
but before he could even open his mouth, the stranger said, " you have had constant pain
in your lower back for many years, and so I say unto you "Be healed". Instantly the pain
left his body. He ran back to tell the others. Tom said that it was bullshit and went down
to the end of the bar, but again before he could say anything, the stranger said, "since
you were a child you have had an inferior left eye, Be heal and see the world the way God
intended. Tom's bad eye was seeing as well as the other. Both 20/20. He came back to
inform the others. Mack just set there, "well I'm not going down there - come hell or high
water. Just then the stranger started walking toward Mack. Finally he was less than ten
feet away from him Mack yells out, "Stay away from me you son of a bitch...I'm on
Disability.


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