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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You
know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I
turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, shut off the engine and coast into
the garage.

I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in
the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out
so late!"

His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I
screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the
closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?' . . . and,
she always acts like she's sound asleep!"



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One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt
and his boots.

The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like
that?"

Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!"

The sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story.

Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a
cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did."

"Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy,
well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did."

"Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and the Mary-Lou took off all her
clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun
belt and my boots.

Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to
town..."


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Little Red Riding Hood was on her way to see her grandmother in the forest.

Her mother warned her "Don't walk through the forest, take the path, or else the Big Bad
Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry!"

Little Red started towards her grandmother's house but decided to take the shortcut
through the forest anyway.

The turtle stopped Little Red and warned her "Turn back and use the path, because if the
Big Bad Wolf finds you, he'll suck your tits dry!"

Little Red was almost there, so she kept going through the forest. Sure enough, the Big
Bad Wolf jumps out of nowhere and tells her "Take off your shirt Little Red Riding Hood -
I'm gonna suck your tits dry!!"

"Oh no you don't", yells Little Red, as she pulls up her skirt, "You're gonna eat me just
like the story says!"


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There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after
exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the
following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat.
It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500.00."

"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2006 models. I saw one I
really liked.

I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to
exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000 ... "

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "

"What?"

"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the
real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on
sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront
property ... "

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $650,000 - a magnificent price ... and I see that we have that much in the bank to
cover ... "

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye ... I do too ... "

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and
asks to all those present, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?


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