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Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he's going to
divorce his wife.

"Good grief" says Jim, "You and Sue are the happiest couple I know - why on earth would
you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?"

"Well" replies Fred, "Truth be known I'm just bored with pokin' the same hole night after
night after night. I guess I'm hankerin' for a bit of variety."

Jim: "Well if you want variety, why don't you just, you know, turn her over every now and
again?"

Fred: "What - and have a house full of kids???"


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Two gay men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because
they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible.

So they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a
female friend of theirs.

Nine months later, the two fags are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of
the babies are crying and screaming except for theirs.

"Wow," one of the gay men says, "Our baby is the most well behaved one in here."

A nurse who happens to be walking by says, "Now he's quiet, but wait till we take the
pacifier out of his ass."


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One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in
for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts
reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people
won't call you 'the bridge builder' if you do that here. No, no, they don't!"

"I remember building that house over there when I was 30. But people won't call you 'the
house builder' if you do that. No, no they don't!"

"I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was 35. If you do that
people won't call you 'the tavern builder' either. They sure won't!"

"But if you f#ck one goat......."


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A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything
you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a
good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00".

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on
the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind
big-time.

At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was
her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the
sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish
stink bait is $2.50."


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