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This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says, "Say, wanna have a good time?"
as he looked him up and down seductively.

"Sure," he says and they are off to the nearest motel.

She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.

She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?"

The guy says, "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."


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...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in
the garage.

...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning
'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering..



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There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"

The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he
ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"

The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.


The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the
second door.

Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool
by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"




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A lady is golfing with some friends. After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down
the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance
back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor. She bumps into the resident golf pro, who
says "What can I help you with?"



The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee. The pro asks, "Oh really, where?"



The lady replies, "Between the first and second hole."



To that the golf pro states, "Well, first of all, your stance to way too wide!"


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