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A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It
was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the
chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked,
"What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom!" she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the
assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard.

Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student.
She quickly turns and asks,

"What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!"

This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks." She
says.

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up.
This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student.

She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where
do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."



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A Kiwi guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands.

He walks into a bar and Jill (the Kiwi Barmaid) takes his order, a Speights, and notices
his accent.

Over the course of the night they get to know each other.

At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex
with him.

Although she is attracted to him she says no.

He then offers to pay her $200 for sex.

Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again, orders a Speights and after showing her plenty of
attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200.

Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders a Speights and sits in the corner.

Jill thinks that if she pays him more some attention then maybe she can then shake some
more cash out of him again, so she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in New Zealand and he tells her: "Nelson".

"So am I... What suburb in Nelson?"

"Wakatu" he replies.

"That's amazing..." she says, "So am I - what Street?"

"Leach Place" he replies.

"This is unbelievable..." she says,"What number?"

He says "Number 7" and she is totally astonished.

"You are not going to believe this but I'm from Number 9! My parents still live there!"

"I know..." he says, "Your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you"

HE WHO DRINKS KIWI THINKS KIWI!

Good on ya mate


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A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an
elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you... you're going straight to
hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Good heavens, I'm on the wrong bus!"


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A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed
limit.

Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write
him out a warning instead of a ticket.

So, he asks the man his name." Fred" he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred" the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a
last name but lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred,
how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know,
funny last name.

The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good
grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor.

I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I
was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was
my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD
DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD.
So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD
with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took
away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." The officer let him go without
even a warning.



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