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An IRS agent stepped into a synagogue looking for the rabbi.

"Rabbi," he said when he found him," do you know a Mr. Morris Katz?"

"Well, yes, I do," said the rabbi.

"Is he a member of your congregation?" asked the agent.

"Uh, yes, he is," said the rabbi, "why do you ask?"

"I'm from the IRS. Can you tell me something? Did he make the $100,000 donation to the
synagogue, that he claimed on his tax return?" asked the IRS agent.

"I would have to check our records," replied the rabbi, "butn if he hasn't, I can assure
you that he will!"

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A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly
pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.

"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour
over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took
off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he
became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an
embankment and hit a tree.

His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she
replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put
this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in
that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church.

The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back
and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

"Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister.

"Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I
had to have her right there and then. Lust took over."

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

"That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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A New York woman was at her East Side hairdresser's getting her hair styled prior to a
trip to Rome with her boyfriend.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser who responded, "Why would anyone want to go to
Rome? It's crowded and dirty and, worse yet, full of Italians. You're crazy to go to

"So how are you getting there?"

"We're flying Continental," was the reply. We got a good rate."

"Continental," exclaimed the hairdresser, "that's a terrible airline. Their planes are
old. Their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late."
"So, where are you staying in Rome?", asked the hairdresser.

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's left side called Teste...."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special
and exclusive but it's really a dump - the worst hotel in the whole city! The rooms are
small, the service is surly and they're way overpriced."
"So, whatcha doing when you get there?", quizzed the hairdresser.

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we are hoping to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser, "you and a million other people trying to see him.
He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're sure
going to need it."

A month later, the woman, all smiling, came in for her hair appointment. The hairdresser
asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was absolutely wonderful," explained the woman, "not only did we arrive on time in one
of Continental's brand new jets but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first
class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year old steward who
waited on me hand and foot."

"And the hotel - it was fabulous! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now
it's just a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked so they
apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge"

"Well, muttered the hairdresser, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope.

"Actually, we were quite lucky because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me
on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors
and if I'd be so kind to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally
greet me."
"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my
hand. I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Really?" asked the hairdresser, "What'd he say?"

He said, "Where did you get that crappy hairdo?"

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