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An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that
it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,

"Pardon me, madam.

I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high
wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are
exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down
there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"


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THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours,
If it doesn't, it never was yours....

THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Don't worry, she will come back.

THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.

THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back...

THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
* If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat *

THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act
clearly states that...

THE TECHNOLOGY COMPANY VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees and tell her that she's also going to
get an upgrade.

THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high.
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody don't ever set her free.

THE MBA VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free... instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant.
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme.
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans.
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty.
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.


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Uncle Jon was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his four-year-old Great
Nephew, James, standing at the fence, wide-eyed and soaking in the whole event.

Uncle Jon thought to himself: "Great, now I'm gonna have to explain the 'birds and bees'
to him. Well, no need to jump the gun. I'll just wait and see if he has any questions, and
I'll just answer them as best I can."

After Uncle Jon finished helping the cow with her birthing, he walked over to James and
asked him: "Do you have any questions about what you seen here tonight?"

"Just one," the little boy whispered, eyes still wide with wonder. "How fast was that calf
going when he hit the cow?"


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It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the
students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin
snow plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who
went to move 26 cars please return to class."


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