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An old snake goes to see his Doctor.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days."

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the
past 2 years!"


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Dear Spike,

I have been unable to sleep since I forced my daughter to break off her engagement to you.
Will you forgive and forget?

I was much too sensitive about your Mohawk, tattoo, and pierced nose. I now realize
motorcycles aren't really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted the way I
did to the fact that you have never held a job.

I am sure, too, that some other very nice people live under the bridge in the park.

Sure, my daughter is only 17 and wants to marry you instead of going to Harvard on a full
ride scholarship. After all, you can't learn everything about life from books. I sometimes
forget how backward I can be.

I was wrong. I was a fool. I have now come to my senses, and you have my full blessing to
marry my daughter.

Sincerely,

Your future father-in-law

P. S. Congratulations on winning the Powerball lottery!


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You know Saddam Hussein is on trial. He's accused of 143 murders.

But Saddam did get a break today when the prosecution dropped the two counts of stealing
satellite TV.

-David Letterman


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In a speech today about Hurricane Rita, President Bush declared, quote, 'This is a big
storm.'

In related news, the White House announced earlier today that the president is writing his
own speeches.

-Conan O'Brien



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