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You know Saddam Hussein is on trial. He's accused of 143 murders.

But Saddam did get a break today when the prosecution dropped the two counts of stealing
satellite TV.

-David Letterman


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In a speech today about Hurricane Rita, President Bush declared, quote, 'This is a big
storm.'

In related news, the White House announced earlier today that the president is writing his
own speeches.

-Conan O'Brien



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Hurricane Rita was not as bad for Texas as people thought it was going to be.

In fact, Enron did more damage to Houston than Hurricane Rita.

-Jay Leno


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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove
box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and
stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded
by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't
have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in
the trunk?

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!


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