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5 Counterproductive Pick-Up Lines

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet
you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the
meat.



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Q: What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?
A: Osama bin Latte.


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A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks
in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game
arrived, everything seemed to be going well.
As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ''Up nuts!''

And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ''Down nuts!'' And
they all sat.

After a home run he yelled, ''Cheer nuts!'' And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving
his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what
happened.

The assistant replied, ''Well...everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled,
''PEANUTS!''






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"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done"
replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious
operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be
castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart,
down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient,
who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to
be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”



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A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other
kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a
sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the
rabbit so rare.''
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied,
''Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough.''



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Why is Tigger always so dirty?
Because he plays with Pooh!



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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Answer: ell-if-i-no (Hell if I know)



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On Father's Day, a little boy decides to make his dad breakfast in bed. He makes scrambled
eggs, toast and coffee. He brings it into his dad, hands him the cup of coffee and
says,''Try it dad.''
The dad takes a sip and nearly passes out because it is so strong. The little boy
asks,''How do you like it Dad?''

The dad doesn't want to hurt the little boy's feelings so he says, ''This is....something
else, I've never tasted coffee quite like this before, Son.''

The little boy smiles from ear to ear. And says, ''Drink some more Pops.''

As the dad is drinking, he notices two army men in the bottom of the cup, and says,''Hey!
Why did you put army men in here?''

The little boy again smiles and sings,''The Best Part Of Waking Up, Is SOLDIERS In Your
Cup.''



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Teacher: John, give me a sentence using the word, "geometry."

John: Okay, there once was this little acorn. Then it grew and grew and woke one day and
said, ''Gee, I'm a tree.''





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Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
A: His Daddy was really a Mummy!



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