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The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.



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I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one


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Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it


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With a calendar, your days are numbered.


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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.


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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.


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Be nice to your kids.

They'll choose your nursing home.


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The only time the world beats a path to your door... is if you're in the bathroom.


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Who is Jack Schitt you ask?

The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone
says " you don't know jack schitt."

Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O
Schitt.

Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of kneedeep N. Schitt,
Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six
children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt,Giva Schitt,Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt
and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After
being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she
wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.

Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their childhood and subsequently
married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg,Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son left home to tour the world, and recently returned from
Italy with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "you don't know Jack Schitt", you can correct them.


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Just a quick observation, when people don't want to play the blame game, they're to blame.


-Jon Stewart


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