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Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.



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Why is lemonade mostly artificial ingredients,
but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?


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Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.


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I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.


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What's brown and sticky?
A stick


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A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.


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A quote : "I'm so poor, I can't even PAY attention"


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If a man is walking in a forest and talking but there
is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?


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Did you hear about blonde who was so dumb she tripped
over a cordless phone?


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3 kinds of people:
Those who can count and those who can't.


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