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This guy walks into a bar with 3 ducks. The guy has a few drinks then goes to the toilet.
The bartender seizes the opportunity and asks the first duck.
"What's your name and what did you do today?"
"My names Hughy. I went in and out of puddles all day long."
Then he asks the seconded duck.
"What's your name and what you do today?"
"My name is Louie and I went in and I out of puddles all day long and I want to
tomorrow."
Then he goes to the last duck.
"Your name must be Dughy, right?"
"My name's Puddles and don't ask me how my fuckin' day went."



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Three mice are sitting in a bar in a
pretty rough neighborhood late at night
trying to impress each other about how
tough they are.
The first mouse slams a shot of scotch,
and pounds the shot glass to the bar,
turns to the second mouse and says:
"When I see a mousetrap, I get on it,
lie on my back, and set it off with my foot.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in
my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."
The second mouse orders up two shots
of tequila. He grabs one in each paw,
slams the shots, and pounds the glasses
to the bar. He turns to the other mice
and replies: "Yeah, well when I see rat poison,
I collect as much as I can and take it home.
In the morning, I grind it up into a powder
and put it in my coffee so I get a good
buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then
turn to the third mouse. The third mouse
lets out a long sigh and says to the first two,
"I don't have time for this bullshit.
I gotta go home and fuck the cat."



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Q. What do turtles and blondes have in common?
A. When they are on their back, they are both fucked!



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Q: What's the difference between a new
husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited
to see you.



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