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At the end of a long crime fighting day, Superman decides he needs to relax for a few
hours, so he rings spiderman to see if he'd like to go out for a drink.

Spiderman replies "No, I have to repair my web spinner."

So, Superman rings a few more of his super hero friends and they're all busy. He decides
in the end to go for a quick super-fly around the world to clear his mind before bed time.


As he passes over Wonder-Woman's mansion he sees her lying naked and spread eagle next to
her pool.

Hmmm he thinks, with my super powers I'll fly down for a quickie and before she realizes
I'll be gone.

So he swoops down and "WHAM BAM thank you maam" and he's gone.

Wonder- Woman shreiks "What was that?"

And the invisible man cries "I don't know, but I've sure got a sore ass!!!"


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Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of
his bed sliding on a condom.

Johnny's father, in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if
to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin dad?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed, to which Little
Johnny replied...

"What ya gonna do, f#ck him?"


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To My Dearest Wife,

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36
times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I
didn't succeed more often:

We will wake the kids - 54 times

It's too late - 15 times

I'm too tired - 42 times

It's too early - 12 times

It's too hot - 18 times

Pretending to be asleep - 31 times

The neighbors will hear - 9 times

Headache or backache - 26 times

Sunburn - 10 times

Your mother will hear us - 9 times

Not in the mood - 21 times

Watching the late show - 17 times

Too sore - 26 times

New hairdo - 6 times

Wrong time of the month - 14 times

You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times

Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times
you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4
times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell
you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started
thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??

Love, Your Hubby

**********************

To My Dearest Husband,

I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than
you did this past year:

Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times

Did not come home at all - 36 times

Did not come - 21 times

Came too soon - 38 times

Went soft before you got it in - 19 times

Cramps in your leg - 16 times

Working too late - 33 times

You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times

Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times

You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times

You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times

You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times

You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times

Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times

The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You
seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't
talking about the crack in the ceiling.

What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing
around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on
your "shortcomings?"

Love, Your Wife


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Bill Clinton gets into a store, He finds the a woman
and a man.
He tells the girl "Let me show you my game, I
look at your breasts and you look at my prick,
Until someone will surrender!"
The man interferes the conversation:
"Let me show you my game, we both hang ourselves,
who gets stregled first - he is the loser!


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