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there once was a man from bandoo
who fell a sleep in a canoo
he dreamed of venus
and played with his penis
and woke up with a hand full of goo...


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Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time
dealing with the pain.
The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a
new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25%
of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for
his wife so he decides they will try it.

The wife takes the pill and a few minutes later the
husband says, "I don't feel a thing; You women are babies.
Take another pill I can handle this."
So the wife takes another pill. Same thing happens.
Her husband tells her to take another pill. Same thing.
By now she has transferred 75% of her pain to her husband.
She is feeling a little pain but her husband is still feeling
nothing. He is convinced that women are complete wuses.
He tells her, "Take another pill. This isn't hurting me at all.
Let me take all the pain away." So she does.
Now they are both feeling great.

A few hours later, the wife gives birth to a beautiful
baby boy.
The next day they take their newborn son home, and
there they find the mailman dead on the doorstep.


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This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer.
He happened to look down the bar and see a man sitting there with a head the size of a cue
ball.
So he walked down and said to the man, Excuse me sir, I don't mean to be rude but I
noticed you
have a small head. Is this a birth defect? The man said No, I got this in the war.
My ship was torpedoed by the German's in WWII. I was the only survivor on the ship so I
swam to shore.
One day a mermaid swam up to me and said she would grant me three wishes.
For my first wish I wanted to return to the U.S. The mermaid granted that wish.
My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Wish granted.
My third wish was to have sex with the mermaid. She said, I can't grant that wish because

mermaids can't have sex.

So I said, How about a little head?"


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A lady walks into a bar and says, "Barkeep, gimme a martooni."
The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini.
She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni."
So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that,
and just sits there and doesn't say anything.
Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says,
"Would you like another?" She says, "Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."

The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:
Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.
Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and
Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your boob's in the ash tray."


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