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A man and a woman were having drinks when
they got into an argument about who enjoyed
sex more. The man said, "Men obviously
enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think
we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman
countered. "Think about this...when your
ear itches and you put your finger in it
and wiggle it around, then pull it out,
which feels better-your ear or your finger?"


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Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to
a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar,
they're dazzled by two women, and wind up
taking them to their separate rooms. The
first dwarf is disappointed, however, as
he's unable to reach a certain physical
state that would enable him to join with
his date. His depression is enhanced by
the fact that, from the next room, he
hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all
night long. In the morning, the second
dwarf asks the first, How did it go? The
first whispers back: It was so embarrassing.
I simply couldn't get an erection. The
second dwarf shook his head. You think
that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get
on the bed!


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After the annual office Christmas
party blow-out, John woke up with
a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed,
and utterly unable to recall the
events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was
able to make his way downstairs,
where his wife put some coffee in
front of him. "Louise," he moaned,
"tell me what went on last night.
Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him in
her most scornful one. "You made a
complete ass of yourself, succeeded
in antagonizing the entire board of
directors, and insulted the chairman
of the company to his face."
"He's an arrogant, self-important
prick, piss on him!"
"You did. All over his suit, "Louise
informed him. "And he fired you."
"Well, fuck him" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."


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The angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick
on his collar. "I assume," she snarled,
"that there is a very good reason for you
to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in
the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."


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