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A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 tequilas.
The bartender asked, "what's wrong?" and the
guy says that he just found out that his younger
son is gay. The bartender says, "he's sorry
about it." After a couple of days the guy comes
back and orders 15 tequilas. The bartender asked,
"What's wrong now?" to which the guy responds
That he found out that his older son was gay,
too. The bartender says that he's sorry. The
guy returned a few days later and ordered 20
tequilas. The bartender burst out, "Isn't anyone
in your family gettin' any pussy?!" The guy gets
really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!!!!"


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Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike
up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the
first man asks the second. "I froze to death"
says the second. "That's awful, how does it
feel to freeze to death?" says the first.
"It's very uncomfortable at first, you get
the shakes, and you get pains in all your
fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a
very calm way to go. You get numb and you
kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping.
How did you die?" says the second. "I had
a heart attack", says the first guy.
"You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me,
so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.
I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone,
knitting. I ran down to the basement, bot
no one was hiding there. I ran up to the
second floor, but no one was hiding there
either. I ran as fast as I could to the
attic, and just as I got there, I had a
massive heart attack and died." The second
man shakes his head. "that's so ironic"
he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first
man "If you had only stopped to look in the
freezer, we'd both still be alive."


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A husband and wife want to take golf
lessons from a pro at a local country
club. The man and woman meet the pro
and head onto the driving range. The
man goes up to hit first. He swings
and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf
pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold
the club as firm as you hold your
wife's breasts". The man follows
instructions and hits the ball 300
yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!"
Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball
goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try
holding the club like you hold your
husbands dick." She swings and the ball
goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but
now try taking the club out of your
mouth and hit the ball."


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There were 3 gay men and their partners
all died at around the same time. On their
way to the morgue, the guy who worked there
asked them where they want to spread their
partners ashes. The first gay guy says,
"I want to spread his ashes over the ocean
because he loved to swim!" The second gay
guy says, "I want to spread his ashes on
a mountain because he loved to climb."
And then the third gay guy says, "I want
to spread him all over my chili, and the
guy who worked at the morgue asked, "WHY?"
and he said," So he can tear my ass up
one more time."


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