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Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having
a terrible fight.
"I am the most beautiful in the world,"
proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
"No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.
I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.
"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan.
"I've had more lovers than any person in the world,"
announced Don Juan.
"No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along,
they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly
the smartest person in the world, would be ideal.
Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace.
where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came
out beaming.
"I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."
In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping
Beauty. "I am the smallest person in the world. Merlin agrees."
In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half-hour, an hour, an
hour and a half later.
Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is
Bill Clinton?"



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REASONS WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:
1. You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
2. You can trade a 44 for two 22's.
3. You can have a handgun at home and another for the road.
4. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will
be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it.
5. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo.
7. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
8. Handguns function normally every day of the month.
9. A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done
using it.



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Sex is like a joke –
some people get it and some people don't.



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A Guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, he starts drinking his
beer and notices a gorilla sitting at the end of the bar. He then
asks the bartender "What is that gorilla doing sitting down there?"
The bartender says, "He does tricks." The gay then says, "Ya right!"
The bartender asks, "Do you want to see one?" The guy replies, "Yes."
The bartender grabs a baseball bat from behind the bar and walks down
to the end of the bar and whacks the gorilla up side the head! The
gorilla then gets down off the bar stool and gives the bartender a
blow job. The bartender walks back to the guy, the guy is laughing
hysterically. The bartender says, "Pretty cool huh?" The guy says,
"Ya" The bartender asks, "Do you want to try it?" The guy says, "Ya
but don't hit me over the head as hard as the gorilla!"



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