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Three engineers were standing around talking
one day bragging. One says, "You know, I'll
bet God must be like a mechanical engineer.
Look at our joints, how we're constructed,
how much stress they can take. It's amazing!"
"Na", says the second engineer. "He must be
more like an electrical engineer. Look at our
nervous system. It's unbelievable!"
"No way", says the last engineer. "God must
be more like a civil engineer. Why else would
he build us with a large waste pipeline going
right through a major recreational area?"


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David took his old friend, Dave, home for Hanuka,
and after dinner, spoke to his father, "Dad, I need
to tell you something. Dave and I want to get married
and we'd like your blessing."
David's father practically exploded, his face turned
red, and was literally speechless for ten minutes.
When he finally regained his composure, he replied,
"David, you cannot marry Dave! For God's sake, David,
... he's not Jewish!"


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A priest was called away for an emergency.
Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended,
he called his rabbi friend and asked him to
cover for him.
He told him to come on over and he'd stay
with him for a little bit and show him what to do.
The rabbi comes, and he and the priest are
in the confessional. In a few minutes, a woman
comes in and says, "Father, forgive me for I have
sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do?"
The woman says, "I committed adultery."
The priest says, "How many times?"
And the woman replies, "Three."
Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box,
and go and sin no more."
A few minutes later a man enters the confessional.
He says, "Father forgive me for I have sinned."
"What did you do?", asked the priest.
"I committed adultery.", said the man.
"How many times?", asked the priest.
"Three times.", said the man.
The priest says, "Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in
the box and go and sin no more."
The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's
got it, so the priest leaves.
A few minutes later another woman enters and
says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."
The rabbi says, "What did you do?"
The woman replies, "I committed adultery."
The rabbi, The rabbi said, "Go and do it two more
times, We have a special this week, three for $5."


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There was an atheist who's boat was drowned in the ocean.
He started to swim to the beach. All of the sudden he
sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming
like crazy. The beach is a ways off and he starts swimming
faster and faster. He's scared to death, and as he turns
to see the jaws of the shark open revealing its teeth,
the atheist screams, "Oh God! Please help me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines
down from above. The man is motionless in the water when
he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist.
Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true
I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you
make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted
back into the heavens and the man could feel the water
begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the
shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden
the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast
closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you
Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."


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