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A guy dies and goes to heaven and he is met by
St Peter at the gate who asks, "What did you do
all your life?"
The man says, "Well, I was a doctor and I tried
to cure people of illness and suffering."
St. Peter opened the gate and said, "Welcome.
Come right in!"
The second man dies and he meets St. Peter at
the gates and is asked what he had done all his
life and he replies, "I was a pharmacist and I
filled prescriptions that helped people feel
better and relieved their pain."
"Welcome," says St. Peter. He opens the gate and
lets the man in.
The third man dies and meets St. Peter at the gate.
"What did you do all your life?" asks St. Peter.
"Oh, I ran an HMO," he replied.
"Welcome," said St. Peter. "Come right in - BUT
you can only stay 3 days."


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Mother: That's no way to say your prayers.
Daughter: But Mom, I thought that God was
tired of hearing the same old stuff every
night...so I told him the story of the
Three Bears instead.



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God said to Adam "I've got some
good news and some bad news.
First the good news. I have
given you a brain and a penis.
The bad news... I've only given
you enough blood to work one of
them at a time!"



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A sailor and a priest were playing golf.
The sailor took his first shot missed
and said, "Fuck, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Dont
use that kind of language or god will
punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his shot
second shot. Again he missed and under
his breath the said, "I fuckn missed again."
The priest overheard and replied,
"My son, please dont use that language
or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once
again he couldnt help mutter, "Oh fuck"
The priest said, "Thats it god will
certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down
and killed the priest. In the distance a
deep voice said, "FUCK, I Missed".



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