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The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs who are
drinking in a bar. As he is finishing his speech on
comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a
question.
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in
Rome?"
"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there
are not".
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in
Italy?" Dopey questions.
"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there
are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are
there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there
are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves
start chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey
screwed a penguin."



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In a tiny village lived an old maid,
she was still a virgin and very proud
of it. She knew her last days were
getting closer, so she told the local
undertaker that she wanted the following
inscription on her tombstone:
"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin,
died as a virgin." Not long after, the
old maid died peacefully, and the
undertaker told his men what was the
ladys wish. The men went to carve it
in, but as the lazy no-goods they were,
they thought the inscription was too
long, so they simply wrote: "Returned
unopened."



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A priest and a rabbi were in a bar having a drink when the priest said, "Your religion is
a unique one in that you do not eat pork. In all the years that you have been a rabbi,
have you not at least once eaten pork?"
"Well I must confess", replied the rabbi, "I did once give in to weakness while passing a
bar-b-q joint, the smell got to me and I had pork and it was wonderful."
"Now I must say, continues the rabbi your religion is quite unique in that priests are
not allowed to have sex. Are you prepared to tell me that you have never experienced sex
in your whole life?"
The priest replied, "Well, yes, I must confess that once when I was young, I did have
sex."
The rabbi said," It was a hell of lot a better than pork, wasn't it?"



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Sam had been a faithful Christian and was
in the hospital, near death. The family
called their pastor to stand with them.
As the pastor stood next to the bed, Sams
condition appeared to deteriorate and he
motioned frantically for something to write
on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen
and a piece of paper, and Sam used his last
bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at
the note at that time, so he placed it in
his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he
was finishing the message, he realized that
he was wearing the same jacket that he was
wearing when Sam died. He said,
"You know, Sam handed me a note just before
he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing
Sam, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration
there for us all."
He opened the note, and read,
"Asshole, you're standing on my oxygen tube!"



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