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you know what?
Oedipus was a real mother fucker!


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A couple in a car feel they hit something on the road.
Man: "Honey , how tall is a Penguin?"
Girl: "about 3.5 feet or less"
Man: "so i hit a nun again"


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Three men arrive to heaven. St. Peter asks the first man,
"What is your religion?"
The first man replies, "Jewish."
St. Peter looks down his list and says, "go to room 17.
But be very quiet as you pass room 7."
Then St. Peter asks the second man, "What is your religion?"
The second man replies "Methodist."
St. Peter looks down his list and says, "Go to room 23.
But be very quiet as you pass room 7."
Then St. Peter asks the third man "What is your religion?"
The third man replies, "Baptist."
St. Peter looks down his list and says: "Go to room 13.
But be very quiet as you pass room 7."
The third man then says to St. Peter, "I can understand
there being different rooms for different religions,
but why must we be quiet when we pass room 7?"
St. Peter tells him, "Well the catholics are in room 7,
and they think they're the only ones here."


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Four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic
church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back
and forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest
agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend.
"However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday
morning I want you to confess to me what you did over
the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off.
Monday comes, and the four nuns return.
The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned."
The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?"
She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie."
The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then
replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to
chuckle quietly under her breath.
The second nun then goes up to the priest and says,
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
The priest replies, "OK, what happened?"
She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the
street in front of his house,and I hit a neighbors
dog and killed it."
The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute,
then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water."
The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun
is laughing quite audibly. Then the third nun walks
to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned."
The priest asks, "Out with it. What did you do?"
She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street."
The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes
before responding,"God forgives you. Go and drink the
holy water."
She leaves. The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing
so hard tears run down her cheeks.
The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so
bloody funny?"
The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water."


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